Caliban

All the infections that the sun sucks up

From bogs, fens, flats, on Prosper fall and make him

By inch-meal a disease! His spirits hear me

And yet I needs must curse. But they'll nor pinch,

Fright me with urchin-shows, pitch me i' the mire,

Nor lead me, like a firebrand, in the dark

Out of my way, unless he bid 'em; but

For every trifle are they set upon me;

Sometime like apes that mow and chatter at me.

And after bite me, then like hedgehogs which

Lie tumbling in my barefoot way and mount

Their pricks at my footfall; sometime am I

All wound with adders who with cloven tongues

Do hiss me into madness. Enter TRINCULO. Lo, now, lo!

Here comes a spirit of his, and to torment me

For bringing wood in slowly. I'll fall flat;

Perchance he will not mind me.

Trinculo

Here's neither bush nor shrub, to bear off any weather at all, and another storm brewing; I hear it sing i' the wind: yond same black cloud, yond huge one, looks like a foul bombard that would shed his liquor. If it should thunder as it did before, I know not where to hide my head: yond same cloud cannot choose but fall by pailfuls. What have we here? a man or a fish? dead or alive? A fish: he smells like a fish; a very ancient and fish-like smell; a kind of not-of-the-newest Poor-John. A strange fish! Were I in England now, as once I was, and had but this fish painted, not a holiday fool there but would give a piece of silver: there would this monster make a man: any strange beast there makes a man: when they will not give a doit to relieve a lame beggar, they will lay out ten to see a dead Indian. Legged like a man! and his fins like arms! Warm o' my troth! I do now let loose my opinion; hold it no longer: this is no fish, but an islander, that hath lately suffered by a thunderbolt. Alas, the storm is come again! my best way is to creep under his gaberdine; there is no other shelter hereabout: misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows. I will here shroud till the dregs of the storm be past.

Stephano

This is a very scurvy tune to sing at a man's funeral: well, here's my comfort. This is a scurvy tune too: but here's my comfort.

Caliban

Do not torment me: O!

Stephano

What's the matter? Have we devils here? Do you put tricks upon's with savages and men of Ind, ha? I have not scaped drowning to be afeard now of your four legs; for it hath been said, As proper a man as ever went on four legs cannot make him give ground; and it shall be said so again while Stephano breathes at' nostrils.

Caliban

The spirit torments me; O!

Stephano

This is some monster of the isle with four legs, who hath got, as I take it, an ague. Where the devil should he learn our language? I will give him some relief, if it be but for that. If I can recover him and keep him tame and get to Naples with him, he's a present for any emperor that ever trod on neat's-leather.

Caliban

Do not torment me, prithee; I'll bring my wood home faster.

Stephano

He's in his fit now and does not talk after the wisest. He shall taste of my bottle: if he have never drunk wine afore, it will go near to remove his fit. If I can recover him and keep him tame, I will not take too much for him; he shall pay for him that hath him, and that soundly.

Caliban

Thou dost me yet but little hurt; thou wilt anon, I know it by thy trembling: now Prosper works upon thee.

Stephano

Come on your ways; open your mouth; here is that which will give language to you, cat: open your mouth; this will shake your shaking, I can tell you, and that soundly: you cannot tell who's your friend: open your chaps again.

Trinculo

I should know that voice: it should be — but he is drowned; and these are devils: O defend me!

Stephano

Four legs and two voices: a most delicate monster! His forward voice now is to speak well of his friend; his backward voice is to utter foul speeches and to detract. If all the wine in my bottle will recover him, I will help his ague. Come. Amen! I will pour some in thy other mouth.

Trinculo

Stephano!

Stephano

Doth thy other mouth call me? Mercy, mercy! This is a devil, and no monster: I will leave him; I have no long spoon.

Trinculo

Stephano! If thou beest Stephano, touch me and speak to me; for I am Trinculo — be not afeard — thy good friend Trinculo.

Stephano

If thou beest Trinculo, come forth: I'll pull thee by the lesser legs: if any be Trinculo's legs, these are they. Thou art very Trinculo indeed! How camest thou to be the siege of this mooncalf? can he vent Trinculos?

Trinculo

I took him to be killed with a thunder-stroke. But art thou not drowned, Stephano? I hope now thou art not drowned. Is the storm overblown? I hid me under the dead mooncalf's gaberdine for fear of the storm. And art thou living, Stephano? O Stephano, two Neapolitans scaped!

Stephano

Prithee, do not turn me about; my stomach is not constant.

Caliban

Aside

These be fine things, an if they be not sprites.

That's a brave god and bears celestial liquor. I will kneel to him.

Stephano

How didst thou scape? How camest thou hither? swear by this bottle how thou camest hither. I escaped upon a butt of sack which the sailors heaved o'erboard, by this bottle! which I made of the bark of a tree with mine own hands since I was cast ashore.

Caliban

I'll swear upon that bottle to be thy true subject; for the liquor is not earthly.

Stephano

Here; swear then how thou escapedst.

Trinculo

Swum ashore, man, like a duck: I can swim like a duck, I'll be sworn.

Stephano

Here, kiss the book, Though thou canst swim like a duck, thou art made like a goose.

Trinculo

O Stephano, hast any more of this?

Stephano

The whole butt, man: my cellar is in a rock by the seaside where my wine is hid. How now, mooncalf! how does thine ague?

Caliban

Hast thou not dropped from heaven?

Stephano

Out o' the moon, I do assure thee: I was the man i' the moon when time was.

Caliban

I have seen thee in her and I do adore thee:

My mistress showed me thee and thy dog and thy bush.

Stephano

Come, swear to that; kiss the book: I will furnish it anon with new contents: swear.

Trinculo

By this good light, this is a very shallow monster! I afeard of him! A very weak monster! The man i' the moon! A most poor credulous monster! Well drawn, monster, in good sooth!

Caliban

I'll show thee every fertile inch o' th' island;

And I will kiss thy foot: I prithee, be my god.

Trinculo

By this light, a most perfidious and drunken monster! when's god's asleep, he'll rob his bottle.

Caliban

I'll kiss thy foot; I'll swear myself thy subject.

Stephano

Come on then; down, and swear.

Trinculo

I shall laugh myself to death at this puppy-headed monster. A most scurvy monster! I could find in my heart to beat him, —

Stephano

Come, kiss.

Trinculo

But that the poor monster's in drink: an abominable monster!

Caliban

I'll show thee the best springs; I'll pluck thee berries;

I'll fish for thee and get thee wood enough.

A plague upon the tyrant that I serve!

I'll bear him no more sticks, but follow thee,

Thou wondrous man.

Trinculo

A most ridiculous monster, to make a wonder of a poor drunkard!

Caliban

I prithee, let me bring thee where crabs grow;

And I with my long nails will dig thee pignuts;

Show thee a jay's nest and instruct thee how

To snare the nimble marmoset; I'll bring thee

To clustering filberts and sometimes I'll get thee

Young scamels from the rock. Wilt thou go with me?

Stephano

I prithee now, lead the way without any more talking. Trinculo, the king and all our company else being drowned, we will inherit here: here; bear my bottle: fellow Trinculo, we'll fill him by and by again.

Caliban

Sings drunkenly

Farewell, master; farewell, farewell!

Trinculo

A howling monster; a drunken monster!

Caliban

No more dams I'll make for fish; Nor fetch in firing

At requiring;

Nor scrape trenchering, nor wash dish:

'Ban, 'Ban, Cacaliban

Has a new master: get a new man.

Stephano

O brave monster! Lead the way.