Lear

Go you before to Gloucester with these letters. Acquaint my daughter no further with any thing you know than comes from her demand out of the letter. If your diligence be not speedy, I shall be there afore you.

Kent

I will not sleep, my lord, till I have delivered your letter.

Fool

If a man's brains were in's heels, were't not in danger of kibes?

Lear

Ay, boy.

Fool

Then, I prithee, be merry; thy wit shall not go slip-shod.

Lear

Ha, ha, ha!

Fool

Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly; for though she's as like this as a crab's like an apple, yet I can tell what I can tell.

Lear

What canst tell, boy?

Fool

She will taste as like this as a crab does to a crab. Thou canst tell why one's nose stands i' the middle on's face?

Lear

No.

Fool

Why, to keep one's eyes of either side's nose; that what a man cannot smell out, he may spy into.

Lear

I did her wrong —

Fool

Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell?

Lear

No.

Fool

Nor I neither; but I can tell why a snail has a house.

Lear

Why?

Fool

Why, to put's head in; not to give it away to his daughters, and leave his horns without a case.

Lear

I will forget my nature. So kind a father! Be my horses ready?

Fool

Thy asses are gone about 'em. The reason why the seven stars are no more than seven is a pretty reason.

Lear

Because they are not eight?

Fool

Yes, indeed: thou wouldst make a good fool.

Lear

To take't again perforce. Monster ingratitude!

Fool

If thou wert my fool, nuncle, I'ld have thee beaten for being old before thy time.

Lear

How's that?

Fool

Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst been wise.

Lear

O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven!

Keep me in temper: I would not be mad! Enter Gentleman.

Gentleman

Ready, my lord.

Lear

Come, boy.

Fool

She that's a maid now, and laughs at my departure,

Shall not be a maid long, unless things be cut shorter. Exeunt.