Hamlet

Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue: but if you mouth it, as many of our players do, I had as lief the town-crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much with your hand, thus, but use all gently; for in the very torrent, tempest, and, as I may say, whirlwind of your passion, you must acquire and beget a temperance that may give it smoothness. O, it offends me to the soul to hear a robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, to very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings, who for the most part are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb shows and noise: I would have such a fellow whipped for o'erdoing Termagant; it out-herods Herod: pray you, avoid it.

First Player

I warrant your honour.

Hamlet

Be not too tame neither, but let your own discretion be your tutor: suit the action to the word, the word to the action; with this special observance, that you o'erstep not the modesty of nature: for any thing so overdone is from the purpose of playing, whose end, both at the first and now, was and is, to hold as 'twere, the mirror up to nature; to show virtue her feature, scorn her own image, and the very age and body of the time his form and pressure. Now this overdone, or come tardy off, though it makes the unskilful laugh, cannot but make the judicious grieve; the censure of which one must in your allowance o'erweigh a whole theatre of others. O, there be players that I have seen play, and heard others praise, and that highly, not to speak it profanely, that, neither having the accent of Christians nor the gait of Christian, pagan, nor man, have so strutted and bellowed that I have thought some of nature's journeymen had made men and not made them well, they imitated humanity so abominably.

First Player

I hope we have reformed that indifferently with us, sir.

Hamlet

O, reform it altogether. And let those that play your clowns speak no more than is set down for them; for there be of them that will themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh too; though, in the meantime, some necessary question of the play be then to be considered: that's villainous, and shows a most pitiful ambition in the fool that uses it. Go, make you ready. How now, my lord! will the king hear this piece of work?

Polonius

And the queen too, and that presently.

Hamlet

Bid the players make haste. Will you two help to hasten them?

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

Ay, my lord.

Hamlet

What ho! Horatio!

Horatio

Here, sweet lord, at your service.

Hamlet

Horatio, thou art e'en as just a man

As e'er my conversation coped withal.

Horatio

O, my dear lord,

Hamlet

Nay, do not think I flatter;

For what advancement may I hope from thee

That no revenue hast but thy good spirits,

To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flattered?

No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp,

And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee

Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost thou hear?

Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice

And could of men distinguish her election,

Sh' hath sealed thee for herself; for thou hast been

As one, in suffering all, that suffers nothing,

A man that fortune's buffets and rewards

Hast ta'en with equal thanks: and blest are those

Whose blood and judgement are so well commeddled,

That they are not a pipe for fortune's finger

To sound what stop she please. Give me that man

That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him

In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart,

As I do thee. — Something too much of this.

There is a play to-night before the king;

One scene of it comes near the circumstance

Which I have told thee of my father's death:

I prithee, when thou seest that act afoot,

Even with the very comment of thy soul

Observe my uncle: if his occulted guilt

Do not itself unkennel in one speech,

It is a damned ghost that we have seen,

And my imaginations are as foul

As Vulcan's stithy. Give him heedful note;

For I mine eyes will rivet to his face,

And after we will both our judgements join

In censure of his seeming.

Horatio

Well, my lord:

If 'a steal aught the whilst this play is playing,

And scape detecting, I will pay the theft.

Hamlet

They are coming to the play; I must be idle:

Get you a place.

Danish march. A flourish.

Enter KING, QUEEN, POLONIUS, OPHELIA, ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN, and others.

King

How fares our cousin Hamlet?

Hamlet

Excellent, i' faith; of the chameleon's dish: I eat the air, promise-crammed: you cannot feed capons so.

King

I have nothing with this answer, Hamlet; these words are not mine.

Hamlet

No, nor mine now. My lord, you played once i' the university, you say?

Polonius

That did I, my lord; and was accounted a good actor.

Hamlet

What did you enact?

Polonius

I did enact Julius Caesar: I was killed i' the Capitol; Brutus killed me.

Hamlet

It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a calf there. Be the players ready?

Rosencrantz

Ay, my lord; they stay upon your patience.

Gertrude

Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.

Hamlet

No, good mother, here's metal more attractive.

Polonius

O, ho! do you mark that?

Hamlet

Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

Ophelia

No, my lord.

Hamlet

I mean, my head upon your lap?

Ophelia

Ay, my lord.

Hamlet

Do you think I meant country matters?

Ophelia

I think nothing, my lord.

Hamlet

That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.

Ophelia

What is, my lord?

Hamlet

Nothing.

Ophelia

You are merry, my lord.

Hamlet

Who, I?

Ophelia

Ay, my lord.

Hamlet

O God, your only jig-maker. What should a man do but be merry? for, look you, how cheerfully my mother looks, and my father died within's two hours.

Ophelia

Nay, 'tis twice two months, my lord.

Hamlet

So long? Nay then, let the devil wear black, for I'll have a suit of sables. O heavens! die two months ago, and not forgotten yet! Then there's hope a great man's memory may outlive his life half a year: but, by'r lady, 'a must build churches, then; or else shall 'a suffer not thinking on, with the hobby-horse, whose epitaph is “For, O, for O, the hobby-horse is forgot.”

Ophelia

What means this, my lord?

Hamlet

Marry, this' miching malicho; it means mischief.

Ophelia

Belike this show imports the argument of the play.

Hamlet

We shall know by this fellow: the players cannot keep counsel; they'll tell all.

Ophelia

Will 'a tell us what this show meant?

Hamlet

Ay, or any show that you will show him: be not you ashamed to show, he'll not shame to tell you what it means.

Ophelia

You are naught, you are naught: I'll mark the play.

Prologue

For us, and for our tragedy,

Here stooping to your clemency,

We beg your hearing patiently. Exit.

Hamlet

Is this a prologue, or the posy of a ring?

Ophelia

'Tis brief, my lord.

Hamlet

As woman's love.

Player King

Full thirty times hath Phoebus' cart gone round

Neptune's salt wash and Tellus' orbed ground,

And thirty dozen moons with borrowed sheen

About the world have times twelve thirties been,

Since love our hearts and Hymen did our hands

Unite commutual in most sacred bands.

Player Queen

So many journeys may the sun and moon

Make us again count o'er ere love be done!

But, woe is me, you are so sick of late,

So far from cheer and from your former state,

That I distrust you. Yet, though I distrust,

Discomfort you, my lord, it nothing must:

For women's fear and love hold quantity;

In neither aught, or in extremity.

Now, what my love is, proof hath made you know;

And as my love is sized, my fear is so:

Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear;

Where little fears grow great, great love grows there.

Player King

'Faith, I must leave thee, love, and shortly too;

My operant powers their functions leave to do:

And thou shalt live in this fair world behind,

Honoured, beloved; and haply one as kind

For husband shalt thou

Player Queen

O, confound the rest!

Such love must needs be treason in my breast:

In second husband let me be accurst!

None wed the second but who killed the first.

Hamlet

That's wormwood.

Player Queen

The instances that second marriage move

Are base respects of thrift, but none of love:

A second time I kill my husband dead,

When second husband kisses me in bed.

Player King

I do believe you think what now you speak;

But what we do determine oft we break.

Purpose is but the slave to memory,

Of violent birth, but poor validity:

Which now, the fruit unripe, sticks on the tree;

But fall, unshaken, when they mellow be.

Most necessary 'tis that we forget

To pay ourselves what to ourselves is debt:

What to ourselves in passion we propose,

The passion ending, doth the purpose lose.

The violence of either grief or joy

Their own enactures with themselves destroy:

Where joy most revels, grief doth most lament;

Grief joys, joy grieves, on slender accident.

This world is not for aye, nor 'tis not strange

That even our loves should with our fortunes change;

For 'tis a question left us yet to prove,

Whether love lead fortune, or else fortune love.

The great man down, you mark his favourite flies;

The poor advanced makes friends of enemies,

And hitherto doth love on fortune tend;

For who not needs shall never lack a friend,

And who in want a hollow friend doth try,

Directly seasons him his enemy.

But, orderly to end where I begun,

Our wills and fates do so contrary run

That our devices still are overthrown;

Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own:

So think thou wilt no second husband wed;

But die thy thoughts when thy first lord is dead.

Player Queen

Nor earth to me give food, nor heaven light!

Sport and repose lock from me day and night!

To desperation turn my trust and hope!

An anchor's cheer in prison be my scope!

Each opposite that blanks the face of joy

Meet what I would have well and it destroy!

Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife,

If, once a widow, ever I be wife!

Hamlet

If she should break it now!

Player King

'Tis deeply sworn. Sweet, leave me here awhile;

My spirits grow dull, and fain I would beguile

The tedious day with sleep. Sleeps.

Player Queen

Sleep rock thy brain;

And never come mischance between us twain! Exit.

Hamlet

Madam, how like you this play?

Gertrude

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Hamlet

O, but she'll keep her word.

King

Have you heard the argument? Is there no offence in't?

Hamlet

No, no, they do but jest, poison in jest; no offence i' the world.

King

What do you call the play?

Hamlet

The Mouse-trap. Marry, how? Tropically. This play is the image of a murder done in Vienna: Gonzago is the duke's name; his wife, Baptista; you shall see anon; 'tis a knavish piece of work: but what of that? your majesty and we that have free souls, it touches us not: let the galled jade wince, our withers are unwrung. This is one Lucianus, nephew to the king.

Ophelia

You are as good as a chorus, my lord.

Hamlet

I could interpret between you and your love, if I could see the puppets dallying.

Ophelia

You are keen, my lord, you are keen.

Hamlet

It would cost you a groaning to take off mine edge.

Ophelia

Still better, and worse.

Hamlet

So you mistake your husbands. Begin, murderer; leave thy damnable faces, and begin. Come: “the croaking raven doth bellow for revenge.”

Lucianus

Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing;

Confederate season, else no creature seeing;

Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected,

With Hecate's ban thrice blasted, thrice infected,

Thy natural magic and dire property,

On wholesome life usurps immediately. Pours the poison into the sleeper's ears.

Hamlet

'A poisons him i' the garden for his estate. His name's Gonzago: the story is extant, and written in very choice Italian: you shall see anon how the murderer gets the love of Gonzago's wife.

Ophelia

The king rises.

Hamlet

What, frighted with false fire!

Gertrude

How fares my lord?

Polonius

Give o'er the play.

King

Give me some light: away!

All

Lights, lights, lights!

Hamlet

Would not this, sir, and a forest of feathers if the rest of my fortunes turn Turk with me with two Provincial roses on my razed shoes, get me a fellowship in a cry of players?

Horatio

Half a share.

Hamlet

A whole one, I.

Horatio

You might have rhymed.

Hamlet

O good Horatio, I'll take the ghost's word for a thousand pound. Didst perceive?

Horatio

Very well, my lord.

Hamlet

Upon the talk of the poisoning?

Horatio

I did very well note him.

Hamlet

Ah, ha! come, some music! come, the recorders! Come, some music!

Guildenstern

Good my lord, vouchsafe me a word with you.

Hamlet

Sir, a whole history.

Guildenstern

The king, sir,

Hamlet

Ay, sir, what of him?

Guildenstern

Is in his retirement marvellous distempered.

Hamlet

With drink, sir?

Guildenstern

No, my lord, with choler.

Hamlet

Your wisdom should show itself more richer to signify this to the doctor; for, for me to put him to his purgation would perhaps plunge him into more choler.

Guildenstern

Good my lord, put your discourse into some frame and start not so wildly from my affair.

Hamlet

I am tame, sir: pronounce.

Guildenstern

The queen, your mother, in most great affliction of spirit, hath sent me to you.

Hamlet

You are welcome.

Guildenstern

Nay, good my lord, this courtesy is not of the right breed. If it shall please you to make me a wholesome answer, I will do your mother's commandment: if not, your pardon and my return shall be the end of my business.

Hamlet

Sir, I cannot.

Guildenstern

What, my lord?

Hamlet

Make you a wholesome answer; my wit's diseased; but, sir, such answer as I can make, you shall command; or, rather, as you say, my mother: therefore no more, but to the matter: my mother, you say,

Rosencrantz

Then thus she says; your behaviour hath struck her into amazement and admiration.

Hamlet

O wonderful son, that can so astonish a mother! But is there no sequel at the heels of this mother's admiration? Impart.

Rosencrantz

She desires to speak with you in her closet, ere you go to bed.

Hamlet

We shall obey, were she ten times our mother. Have you any further trade with us?

Rosencrantz

My lord, you once did love me.

Hamlet

And do still, by these pickers and stealers.

Rosencrantz

Good my lord, what is your cause of distemper? you do, surely, bar the door upon your own liberty, if you deny your griefs to your friend.

Hamlet

Sir, I lack advancement.

Rosencrantz

How can that be, when you have the voice of the king himself for your succession in Denmark?

Hamlet

Ay, sir, but “While the grass grows,” the proverb is something musty. O, the recorders! let me see one. To withdraw with you: why do you go about to recover the wind of me, as if you would drive me into a toil?

Guildenstern

O, my lord, if my duty be too bold, my love is too unmannerly.

Hamlet

I do not well understand that. Will you play upon this pipe?

Guildenstern

My lord, I cannot.

Hamlet

I pray you.

Guildenstern

Believe me, I cannot.

Hamlet

I do beseech you.

Guildenstern

I know no touch of it, my lord.

Hamlet

It is as easy as lying: govern these ventages with your fingers and thumb, give it breath with your mouth, and it will discourse most eloquent music. Look you, these are the stops.

Guildenstern

But these cannot I command to any utterance of harmony; I have not the skill.

Hamlet

Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me! You would play upon me; you would seem to know my stops; you would pluck out the heart of my mystery; you would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my compass: and there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ; yet cannot you make it speak. 'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you fret me, yet you cannot play upon me. God bless you, sir!

Polonius

My lord, the queen would speak with you, and presently.

Hamlet

Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel?

Polonius

By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.

Hamlet

Methinks it is like a weasel.

Polonius

It is backed like a weasel.

Hamlet

Or like a whale?

Polonius

Very like a whale.

Hamlet

Then I will come to my mother by and by. They fool me to the top of my bent. I will come by and by.

Polonius

I will say so.

Hamlet

Exit Polonius.

Exeunt all but Hamlet.

'Tis now the very witching time of night,

When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out

Contagion to this world: now could I drink hot blood,

And do such bitter business as the day

Would quake to look on. Soft! now to my mother.

O heart, lose not thy nature; let not ever

The soul of Nero enter this firm bosom:

Let me be cruel, not unnatural:

I will speak daggers to her, but use none;

My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites;

How in my words soever she be shent,

To give them seals never, my soul, consent! Exit.