E. Antipholus

Fear me not, man; I will not break away:

I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,

To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.

My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,

And will not lightly trust the messenger.

That I should be attached in Ephesus,

I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears. Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end.

Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.

How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?

E. Dromio

Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

E. Antipholus

But where's the money?

E. Dromio

Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

E. Antipholus

Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

E. Dromio

I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

E. Antipholus

To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

E. Dromio

To a rope's end, sir; and to that end am I returned.

E. Antipholus

And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. Beating him.

Officer

Good sir, be patient.

E. Dromio

Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

Officer

Good now, hold thy tongue.

E. Dromio

Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

E. Antipholus

Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

E. Dromio

I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.

E. Antipholus

Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.

E. Dromio

I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating: I am waked with it when I sleep; raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when I return: nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think, when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

E. Antipholus

Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder. Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH.

E. Dromio

Mistress, “respice finem,” respect your end; or rather, the prophecy like the parrot, “beware the rope's end.”

E. Antipholus

Wilt thou still talk?

Courtezan

How say you now? is not your husband mad?

Adriana

His incivility confirms no less.

Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;

Establish him in his true sense again,

And I will please you what you will demand.

Luciana

Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

Courtezan

Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!

Pinch

Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.

E. Antipholus

There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. Striking him.

Pinch

I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,

To yield possession to my holy prayers

And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:

I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!

E. Antipholus

Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.

Adriana

O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

E. Antipholus

You minion, you, are these your customers?

Did this companion with the saffron face

Revel and feast it at my house to-day,

Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut

And I denied to enter in my house?

Adriana

O husband, God doth know you dined at home;

Where would you had remained until this time,

Free from these slanders and this open shame!

E. Antipholus

Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

E. Dromio

Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

E. Antipholus

Were not my doors locked up and I shut out?

E. Dromio

Perdie, your doors were locked and you shut out.

E. Antipholus

And did not she herself revile me there?

E. Dromio

Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.

E. Antipholus

Did not her kitchen maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

E. Dromio

Certes, she did; the kitchen vestal scorned you.

E. Antipholus

And did not I in rage depart from thence?

E. Dromio

In verity you did; my bones bears witness,

That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

Adriana

Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?

Pinch

It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein,

And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.

E. Antipholus

Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrest me.

Adriana

Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,

By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

E. Dromio

Money by me! heart and good will you might;

But surely, master, not a rag of money.

E. Antipholus

Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

Adriana

He came to me and I delivered it.

Luciana

And I am witness with her that she did.

E. Dromio

God and the rope-maker bear me witness

That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

Pinch

Mistress, both man and master is possessed;

I know it by their pale and deadly looks:

They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

E. Antipholus

Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?

And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

Adriana

I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

E. Dromio

And, gentle master, I received no gold;

But I confess, sir, that we were locked out.

Adriana

Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.

E. Antipholus

Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all;

And art confederate with a damned pack

To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:

But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes

That would behold in me this shameful sport. Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives.

Adriana

O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.

Pinch

More company! The fiend is strong within him.

Luciana

Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

E. Antipholus

What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,

I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them

To make a rescue?

Officer

Masters, let him go:

He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

Pinch

Go bind this man, for he is frantic too. They offer to bind Dro. E.

Adriana

What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?

Hast thou delight to see a wretched man

Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

Officer

He is my prisoner: if I let him go,

The debt he owes will be required of me.

Adriana

I will discharge thee ere I go from thee:

Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,

And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.

Good master doctor, see him safe conveyed

Home to my house. O most unhappy day!

E. Antipholus

O most unhappy strumpet!

E. Dromio

Master, I am here entered in bond for you.

E. Antipholus

Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?

E. Dromio

Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master: cry “The devil!”

Luciana

God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

Adriana

Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me. Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and Courtezan.

Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

Officer

One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?

Adriana

I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

Officer

Two hundred ducats.

Adriana

Say, how grows it due?

Officer

Due for a chain your husband had of him.

Adriana

He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

Courtezan

When as your husband all in rage to-day

Came to my house and took away my ring —

The ring I saw upon his finger now —

Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

Adriana

It may be so, but I did never see it.

Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is:

I long to know the truth hereof at large. Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse.

Luciana

God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.

Adriana

And come with naked swords. Let's call more help

To have them bound again.

Officer

Away! they'll kill us. Exeunt all but Ant. S. and Dro. S.

S. Antipholus

I see these witches are afraid of swords.

S. Dromio

She that would be your wife now ran from you.

S. Antipholus

Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:

I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

S. Dromio

Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold: methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and turn witch.

S. Antipholus

I will not stay to-night for all the town;

Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard. Exeunt.